


Crowns and Crosshairs: A Correspondence

by Jim Moriarty (Hannatude), Sebastian Moran (Hannatude)



Series: Crowns And Crosshairs [1]
Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: ALL THE INNUENDOS!, Angst and Feels, April Fool's Day at the Murder House, Clarissa Moran-Ashford, Deliberate misunderstanding of a certain alcoholic beverage's name, Dissociative Identity Disorder, Episode: s01e01 A Study in Pink, Episode: s01e02 The Blind Banker, Episode: s01e03 The Great Game, Episode: s02e01 A Scandal in Belgravia, Episode: s02e03 The Reichenbach Fall, Family Drama, Gratuitous Use of Random Movie Quotes, I know nothing about Psychology, Irene Adler - Freeform, James Moriarty is a Demon (Not Literally), Jim Moriarty isn't exactly Angelic either, Jim cannot bake, Jim cannot handle Seb's puppy eyes, Jim from IT, Jim is a Tease, Jim is a bit of an Otaku, Jim is a closet romantic, Jim loves stars, Journalist Moran, Kitchens are for food, Lonely Sebastian, M/M, Mycroft gives James a timeout, Name-calling is flirting, Please Don't Kill Me, Pre-Canon, Reichenbach Feels, SCIENCE!, Seb has a sister, Seb hates Thunderstorms, Seb is basically Jim's babysitter, Seb loves Jim, Sparkle Faerie Extermination, Summer Lovin', Sunburn, Texting, Timeskips, all the feels, annoying yappy dogs, complicated relationships are complicated, murder boyfriends, sooo changeable
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-09
Updated: 2014-10-07
Packaged: 2018-02-16 08:10:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 10
Words: 13,732
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2262264
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hannatude/pseuds/Jim%20Moriarty, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hannatude/pseuds/Sebastian%20Moran
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The first installment in a collection of text messages exchanged between the World's Only Consulting Criminal and his Loyal Sniper.<br/>This compilation spans from Seb's first job to Jim's last message from the roof of Saint Bart's.</p><p> </p><p>
  <i>Well, not my <span class="u">last</span> message, obviously. ;) - Jim</i>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>What the hell, Jim, seriously, stop breaking the fourth wall. - Seb</b>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. ~♔~ Year One: Introductions ~⊕~

**Author's Note:**

> _THERE'S A[PLAYLIST](http://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLoXq_dvZoYU6pQju_vrP255ks4hiVoIu5) NOW. PLAYLISTS ARE COOL!_
> 
> _I'll keep updating it with more music as I feel like it. ^_^_
> 
> _Oh, yeah - Song number **Four** , **Eight** , **Twelve** and **Fifteen** are all a wee bit... Explicit, though. Nothing you won't read in the following chapters, but still, better wear headphones to be safe. _
> 
> _Just make sure to have the volume turned down, because some of the songs are considerably louder than others._
> 
> **You and your music...**

* * *

~♔~ THE BEGINNING ~⊕~

* * *

 

_Moran. Here's the information for your final test._  
 _ ATTACHMENT_

_Contact me once you've completed your task._  
 _There's a bonus in it for you if you get me photographic proof._

_-  JM♔_  
  
  
Yes Sir, Mister Moriarty  
\- Moran

  
Mission Accomplished, Sir. Here's your proof  
ATTACHMENT  
\- Moran  
  
 **BANK DEPOSIT CONFIRMATION**

**600,000 POUNDS STERLING**

* * *

_Moran - new target._

_ ATTACHMENT _

_Make it look like an accident._

_- JM♔_

 

Yes Sir  
\- Moran

 

ATTACHMENT  
\- Moran

 

**BANK DEPOSIT CONFIRMATION**

**500,000 POUNDS STERLING**

 

* * *

  _How would you feel about joining the ranks of my organisation in a permanent capacity, rather than on a contractual basis?  
- JM♔_

What would my duties be, Sir?  
\- Moran

  
_Personal assistant/assassin and bodyguard.  
- JM♔_  
  
  
 _Perks package is nothing to scoff at - I have a personal medical team available, and I can supply you with almost any weapon you'll need, no matter the cost. Think it over, Moran.  
- JM♔_

  
Moriarty - I'm in.  
\- Moran.  
  
  
 _Of course you are. Welcome to the family.  
- JM♔  
  
  
_

* * *

~♔~ 3 MONTHS LATER ~⊕~

* * *

  
 Sir, permission to ask a question about what occurred this morning?  
\- Moran

  
_Wha... Oh. Pay no attention to it.  
- JM♔_

  
Yes, Sir  
\- Moran  
  
  


* * *

_  
Sebastian?  
- JM♔_

  
...Sir?  
\- Moran  
  
  
 _Do you know where I am?  
 - JM♔_

  
Mister Moriarty, Sir, are you all right?  
\- Moran

  
_I'm not James, Sebastian, I'm Jim. We met the other day. Where am I?  
- JM♔_

  
...Do you need me to come get you, Sir?  
\- Moran

  
_Please don't call me Sir, Sebastian. I don't like it. Call me Jim, okay?  
- JM♔_  
  
 _And yes, please come get me, Sebastian.  
 - JM♔_

 

I'm right outside now, Sir  
\- Moran

  
_I asked you not to call me that, Sebastian. I really don't like it. Please just call me Jim?  
- JM♔_  
  
  
I'm right outside now, Jim  
\- Moran

 

_Thank you, Sebastian. You're a life-saver!  
- JM♔_

 

* * *

_  
Moran. Forget yesterday happened.  
- JM♔_

   
Yes Sir  
\- Moran

 

_I mean it, Moran. Mention it even once and I will cut out your tongue.  
- JM♔_

   
Mention what, Sir?  
\- Moran

 

_Good man.  
- JM♔  
  
  
_

* * *

~♔~ 3 MONTHS LATER ~⊕~

* * *

_  
I've decided I can trust you, Moran, and, as such, I'm going to give you a new task.  
- JM♔_  
  
  
Sir?  
\- Moran  
  
  
 _Entertain The Annoyance for the evening. He's making it completely IMPOSSIBLE to get any work done.  
- JM♔_  
  
  
The... Annoyance, Sir?  
\- Moran  
  
  
 _My... 'mild mannered alter ego', as it were.  
 _- JM♔__

_Yes, I know, it's unorthodox. Just keep it from leaving the flat, will you?  
- JM♔_

  
You act like he's a crazy uncle or something...  
\- Moran  
  
  
 _I only wish it were.  
 _- JM♔  
  
__

* * *

 _Hey Sebastian!_ ( ^_^)／ _  
- JM♔_

  
Hello... Jim, right?  
\- Moran  
  
  
 _Yep! I'll change the signature to my name so it isn't so confusing. _(*＾-’) 乃 _ _Anyway,_ James doesn't usually let me out unless it's for a job _(-_-) _but he decided that I can talk to you! _(*≧▽≦)  
 _I can't remember the last time I got to just 'hang out'- not since Uni, I think..._ ɿ(｡･ɜ･)ɾ  _Do you like chess?  OR, WAIT, NO, TABLE TENNIS! Do you like table tennis?  
_ ( ^o)ρ┳┻┳°σ(o^ )  
 _\- Jim_

  
..What the hell is with all the weird punctuation things?  
\- Moran  
  
  
 _They're kaomoji!_ (ﾉﾟ▽ﾟ)ﾉ _You can use them to express yourself when you're texting.[Look!](http://japaneseemoticons.net/)   
\- Jim_

  
Okay... So the Boss just wants me to... Entertain him- er, you..?  
\- Moran  
  
  
 _Yeah, pretty much. When I get bored I go stir crazy, and then I cause problems for him. Remember when you had to pick me up from that restaurant last month?  He was SUPER mad about that..._ ლಠ益ಠ)ლ _  
\- Jim  
  
  
_ How does that even work? I mean, you're the same person  
\- Moran  
  
  
 _We share a body and have some personality traits in common, but we aren't the same person!_ (ノ#-_-)ノ ミ┴┴ _  
\- Jim_

   
Okay, what the hell is that one supposed to be?  
\- Moran  
  
  
 _It's a Table Flip of Frustration. I'll put it back now._ ┬──┬◡ﾉ(° -°ﾉ) _Do you like Thai food? The note says I can order take-out if you pick it up and bring it to me.  
\- Jim  
  
_

You wrote a note to yourself to give yourself permission to order Thai food.  
\- Moran

  
_No, JAMES wrote ME a note to give ME permission to order Thai food. You really should pay better attention, Sebastian. So will you? Please?_ ('ʃƪ') _  
\- Jim_  
  
  
I'll do it if you stop sending me those damn punctuation faces  
\- Moran  
  
  


_Aww, but they're cute! Oh, fine. The note says you know where to go, and that I'm supposed to order "the usual". What is that, exactly?  
\- Jim_

  
You know what, Jim? I've wondered that since he ordered it the first time. I'm pretty sure it's some sort of spicy green chili curry, though  
\- Moran  
  
  
 _Really? Eww. What do you usually get?  
\- Jim  
  
  
_ Some sort of chicken with rice thing - but honestly, I pick up a large carton of chips and eat them on my way to the house.  
\- Moran  
  
  
 _Oh, that's really not fair. I haven't eaten good food in FOREVER!  
\- Jim  
  
  
_...Is this a test?  
\- Moran  
  
  
 _What do you mean?  
\- Jim_  
  
  
Is this a test. Are you playing an elaborate prank on me to see if I'll follow orders?  
\- Moran  
  
  
 _Wooow. He's got you whipped bad, doesn't he? Hahaha. But to answer your question, no, it's not a test. I just really want some chips. The note doesn't explicitly say I can't have chips, it just says "If you get hungry, you can call Moran and tell him to get the usual at the Thai place."  _  
 _I'll tell you all his pet peeves and stuff if you do it, so it'll be a win-win situation. Please say yes?  
\- Jim_

_  
_You're just as devious as he is, you know that?  
\- Moran  
  
  
 _Doesn't surprise me all that much, to be honest. I'm going to cue up a movie - any requests?  
\- Jim  
  
  
_ Are you actually gonna let me choose?  
\- Moran  
  
  
 _Hahaha! Probably not._    
- _Jim  
  
_

* * *

_Moran, when I arranged the "play-date" for The Annoyance, I did so with the impression that you would simply entertain it for a while, not encourage it to 'express itself' . However, as I wasn't entirely clear with my orders, I can't exactly punish you for not following them._  
 _I won't let that happen again._  
 _ ATTACHMENT: Rules for 'Jim'  
\- JM♔_

 

Yes Sir. Sorry, Sir.  
\- Moran

 

* * *

~♔~ 3 MONTHS LATER ~⊕~

* * *

 _  
Moran - I need you to take The Annoyance out.  
 _\- JM♔__  
  
  
Take him out where, Sir?  
\- Moran  
  
  
 _Somewhere. Anywhere. I can't stand his whining any longer, and I don't trust him alone, so you're babysitting.  
 _\- JM♔__

  
Okay, I'll figure something out. When do you want me to get him?  
\- Moran  
  
  
 _NOW.  
\- JM♔_  
  
  
  


_James wears the most impractical clothes in the world. I mean, who wears Westwood every day? I bet Viv doesn't even wear it every day, and she DESIGNS it._ ﾍ(;´Д｀ﾍ)  
 _Where are we going?  
\- Jim_  
  
  
Trying to follow your logic, Jim, and it's not working  
\- Moran  
  
  
 _T-shirt versus jumper. Duh.  
\- Jim_  
  
  
Oh. T-shirt, I guess. We're gonna be inside  
\- Moran  
  
  
 _Inside where, Sebastian?  
\- Jim  
  
_  
[The London Dungeon](http://www.thedungeons.com/london/en/explore-the-dungeon/what-is-the-london-dungeon.aspx)  
\- Moran  
  
Holy shit, Jim, I can hear you squealing from here. Belt up or I'm not taking you  
\- Moran  
  
  
 _I LOVE YOU SEBASTIAN MORAN_ \\\\(♡∀♡)//   
 _\- Jim_  
  
  
Yeah, that's not awkward **at all** , Kiddo. Now get your arse down here before I change my mind  
\- Moran  
  
  


* * *

 _I had fun today. I STILL can't believe you got us thrown out of The Dungeon, though._ ｡゜(｀Д´)゜｡ _  
\- Jim  
  
  
_ FOR THE **LAST TIME** , JIM - IT WAS INSTINCTIVE. I'VE APOLOGISED TWENTY TIMES ALREADY. LET IT THE FUCK GO.  
\- Moran  
  
  
 _Sorry!_ (シ_ _)シ  
 _I just think it's surreal - I doubt they've_ **ever** had someone knock out Jack the Ripper before!   
It was like:  (ノಠ □ಠ)ノ彡( \o°o)\   ∑(O_O;)  
 _\- Jim_

You're ridiculous. You know that, right?  
\- Moran  
  
  
 _Yep!_ (•̀o•́)ง _  
\- Jim_  
  
  
Goodnight, Kiddo.  
\- Moran  
  
  
 _Goodnight, Sebastian.  
\- Jim_  


 

* * *

 ~♔~ 3 MONTHS LATER ~⊕~

* * *

_  
  
Do you have a valid pilot's certification, Moran?  
\- JM♔_

  
I need to be recertified, Sir  
\- Moran  
  
  
 _Get on that, then. The company pilot has just had a rather horrific accident, it seems.  
 _\- JM♔__

 

Yes, Sir  
\- Moran  
  
  


* * *

_  
Moran - get the jet prepped.  
\- JM♔  
_

  
Destination, Sir?  
\- Moran

  
_Tokyo. Have it ready in an hour at the most.  
\- JM♔_

  
Ready with 20 minutes to spare  
\- Moran

  
_Feeling cocky are we, Moran?  
\- JM♔_

  
I apologise, Sir  
\- Moran  
  
  
 _...No, it's fine. You're allowed to take pride in your work, soldier.  
\- JM♔_

 

* * *

  
 Are you sure you don't want me to go with you, Sir?  
\- Moran

  
_We've discussed this, Moran. It's a simple business negotiation. Stay in your hotel room - order yourself room service and a movie or something. I'll be finished in no more than three hours, at which point we can leave.  
\- JM♔_

  
Sir, I know it's not my place to say this, but I really would feel safer if you took a weapon with you, just in case  
\- Moran  
  
  
 _I was unaware that you cared so much, Moran.  
\- JM♔_

  
You  are my meal ticket, Sir.  
\- Moran  
  
  
 _Do you always get emotionally attached to your 'meal tickets'?  Or just the ones with annoying psychological baggage?  
\- JM♔_  
  
 _Don't think I haven't noticed, Moran._    
 _\- JM♔  
  
  
_

* * *

_hlp  
\- UNKNOWN_  


Boss?!  
\- Moran

  
_seb cme gt me plz  
- UNKNOWN_

  
Jim?! I've been looking everywhere for you! Your GPS tag isn't showing up, the tracker in the suit coat isn't working... What the **bloody hell** happened?! He said you didn't need me to be there, he said it was just a simple negotiation, he said it would only be three hours - it's been TWO DAYS, Jim!  
\- Moran

  
_smlls lik fsh slt sunds peple hrd typ1hnd bleding hed  
\- UNKNOWN_

  
  
Shit, shit, SHIT! Ok, so you're typing with one hand and your head is bleeding. You can smell Fish and... Salt?  
\- Moran

 

_ys her vices lots peple bsy  
\- UNKNOWN_  
  
  
  
Voices... Lots of people- Shit, you're at the fish market by the docks. Right. Okay, hang on Kiddo. I'm on my way.   
\- Moran

 

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **"Okay, hang on Kiddo. I'm on my way. "**
> 
> Because I'm sure _everyone_ wants to know the story behind Jim and Seb getting thrown out of the London Dungeons, I wrote [this](http://archiveofourown.org/works/2290121).
> 
> \- Hanna, aka the "Compiler"


	2. ~♔~ Year Two: Integration ~⊕~

~♔~ YEAR TWO~⊕~

* * *

 

_Moran. Get here. NOW._  
 _\- JM _♔__

  
On my way, Sir. Situation?  
\- Moran

  
 _It - fine, HE - is throwing a tantI AM NOT THROWING A TANTRUM JAMES I WANT TO this is ridiculoNO IT'S NOT YOU NEVER LET ME TALyou don't need to talkYES I DO JAMES STOP IGNORINGI only ignore you because you're a nuisance now stop stealing contIT'S NOT STEALING I WAS HERE FIRST_  
 _\- JM _♔__  
  
  
Both of you need to calm the fuck down before you hurt yourself. I'll be up in 4 minutes, don't do anything stupid. EITHER OF YOU.  
\- Moran

* * *

  
_Moran. I have a therapy session tomorrow afternoon. You're taking me._  
 _\- JM _♔__

_Us. You're taking us._  
 _\- JM _♔__

_Oh, for God's sake, if you're going to start that again... I'm not starting anything, James, I just want to have some control over my life, too. You didn't before - you were perfectly content to let me take care of everything. Well, I changed my mind. I'm allowed to do that, after all._  
 _\- JM _♔__

  
Hey- while I am absolutely chuffed to bits that you're talking to each other now, could you not do it in text messages to me while I'm trying to assassinate businessmen for you?  
\- Moran

_Apologies, Moran. Sorry Sebastian!_  
 _\- JM _♔__

_Why do you call him Moran? Because that's his name. No, his name's Sebastian. Getting overly familiar with one's employees is unprofessional. Oh, pull the other one, James, honestly. Are you back-talking me?!_  
 _\- JM _♔__

BOYS. KNOCK IT OFF.  
\- Moran

 

 

* * *

~♔~ THREE MONTHS LATER~⊕~

* * *

  
How was your session today?  
\- Moran

  
 _Jim and I may have worked out a tentative agreement which may eventually lead to "peaceful" integration._  
 _\- JM _♔__

  
Translation: I control some things, he controls others, and hopefully we can work together.  
 _\- Jim_

  
That's what I said.  
 _\- JM _♔__

  
I know - that's why I translated it into Sebspeak.  
 _\- Jim_

  
Oh. Thank you, then. I guess.  
 _\- JM _♔__  
  
  
You're welcome, James.  
 _\- Jim_

  
What did you think of Steven's new tie, by the way?  
 _\- Jim_

  
 _Oh, God, that thing was an eyesore. On what planet is lime green and fuchsia paisley a good idea?!_  
 _\- JM♔_

  
_I KNOW! I spent the entire session trying not to strangle him with it!_  
 _\- Jim_

_...Actually, I think that was me._  
 _\- JM _♔__

  
_...Yeah, that would make more sense. The shoes were fabulous, though._  
 _\- Jim_

  
_Weren't they? For all his terrible taste in neckties, the man knows his footwear._  
 _\- JM♔_

  
Guys, you can text back and forth without including me in the conversation. That's why you both have a phone.  
\- Moran

_You have nice shoes, too, Sebastian._  
 _\- Jim_

  
Thanks, Jim.  
\- Moran

  
 _Would it kill you to wipe them off before you enter the flat, though?_  
 _\- JM _♔__

...Really? Are you _really_ going to start ganging up on me now?  
\- Moran

 

 

* * *

~♔~ THREE MONTHS LATER~⊕~

* * *

 

_Moran, something... Interesting came up in today's session._

_\- JM _♔__

  
  
Okay..?  
\- Moran

  
  
 _I've told you that I consider myself asexual, correct?_  
 _\- JM _♔__

  
Yeah, I _vaguely_ remember having that conversation last year when you held a knife to my groin and threatened to castrate me if I ever let Jim try to kiss me again.  
\- Moran  
  
  
 _Jim identifies as homosexual._  
 _-JM _♔__  
  
  
Yeah, I kinda figured, what with all the arse-grabbing and strangely endearing innuendos. Not to mention the whole "intoxicated kissing attempt" fiasco...  
\- Moran

_So it doesn't... Bother you?_  
 _\- JM _♔__

  
What, that he's gay, he grabs my arse, he can't flirt worth shit, or he's a lightweight?  
\- Moran

  
 _Moran..._  
 _\- JM _♔__

  
No, it doesn't bother me - Like I told you when you first interviewed me, for all intents and purposes, I'm bi.  
Jim craves physical contact, and I get that. He comes to me for comfort and reassurance, because he can't receive it from you, and you both don't trust anyone else - which is also  totally fine -so I'm his only option. The whole naive, awkward flirting thing is okay, too - you first showed up when Jim was 8, but you started taking over when he was 13, right?  
\- Moran

  
 _...Are you suggesting that Jim has a "schoolboy crush" on you, Moran? That's disgustingly adorable._  
 _\- JM _♔__

  
  
Yeah, well, he's entitled to his own opinions, too. And forgive me if I'm out of place, but weren't you the one who bought me a tailored Armani suit so I would 'look better' when you have me act as your bodyguard?  
\- Moran

  
 _Dressing you in Armani is quite literally the same as buying a Ferrari, Moran. It's a status symbol. Nothing more._

_I only wanted to know how you'd react to the confirmation of the validity of your assumptions. Now that I have that information, this conversation can be over._  
 _\- JM _♔__

  
  
Did you know that you start sounding like a dictionary when you're nervous, Sir?  
\- Moran

  
 _Dear Lord, Moran, you're getting entirely too cocky for your own good._  
 _\- JM _♔__

  
I was once told to take pride in my work, Sir. I'm merely following orders. :)  
\- Moran

_DON'T **YOU** START WITH THOSE DAMN FACES._  
 _\- JM _♔__

* * *

~♔~ THREE MONTHS LATER~⊕~

* * *

  
_Sebastian._  
 _\- Jim_

  
_Moran._  
 _\- JM _♔__

  
_Sebastian, you okay?_  
 _\- Jim_

  
jim wuts wrong  
\- Moran

  
 _Sorry if we woke you up, but it's starting to rain, and the forecast called for thunderstorms today and tomorrow. Just wanted you to prepare for it so you won't wake up freaking out like last time._  
 _\- Jim_

  
Thanx. Why are you guys awake so early?  
\- Moran

  
 _Jim never fell asleep. He was too busy binge re-watching Doctor Who after the finale last night._  
 _\- JM♔_

  
You watched it without me?  
\- Moran

  
 _It's not like I was going to miss it simply because you were dead on your feet, Moran._  
 _\- JM _♔__

  
_We can watch it again if you want, Sebastian._  
 _\- Jim_

  
_It might help you ride out the storm._  
 _\- JM _♔__

  
Yeah, sounds good. I'm be up in a minute.  
\- Moran

  
 _Bring chocolate._  
 _\- JM _♔__

  
_Please._  
 _\- Jim_

* * *

~♔~ THREE MONTHS LATER~⊕~

* * *

  
_I've filled out the form as you requested._  
[ _ATTACHMENT: PERSONALITY INTEGRATION SELF-EVALUATION_ ](http://fabulous-moriarty.tumblr.com/post/97634217656/my-therapist-is-a-demanding-pain-in-the-arse)  
_\- JM_

_Sorry Sebastian, that was supposed to go to Doctor Gaffetts, not you._  
 _\- Jim♔_

  
Is it okay if I read it?  
\- Moran

  
 _Are you asking for permission, or forgiveness?_  
 _\- Jim♔_

  
Uh... Little bit of both?  
\- Moran

  
 _I don't care. Though do keep in mind that he has no idea what I really do, so... The "violent tendencies" thing was never actually addressed._  
 _\- Jim♔_

  
...How did you explain James, then?  
\- Moran

  
 _I told the truth, for the most part. I was abused and bullied a lot as a kid, and James was how my mind coped._  
 _\- Jim♔_

  
You just... conveniently left out the fact that James killed your Dad and Powers?  
\- Moran

  
 _Exactly! Grab yourself a biscuit._ ( ˘▽˘)っ☢  
 _\- Jim♔_

  
...Radioactive biscuits, Jim? Really? (ノಠ ∩ಠ)ノ彡☢  
Nice signature integration, by the way. Very snazzy.  
\- Moran

  
 _Sorry, sorry!_ (シ_ _)シ  
 _Umm... Here, have a skull biscuit instead._ ( ◉_◉)っ☠  
 _What's wrong with my little crown? IT'S CUTE._ (ง •̀_•́)ง  
 _\- Jim♔_

  
I was being honest, but whatever.  
\- Moran

  
 _Ohh. Hey, you should change yours, too!_  
 _\- Jim♔_

  
Why..?  
\- Moran

  
 _Moral support, obviously. It's exhausting, being fully integrated. Well, 85% integrated._  
 _\- Jim♔_

  
And changing my signature will magically help, huh?  
\- Moran

  
 _...It can't hurt..?_  
 _\- Jim♔_

  
Neither can eating something - which I've been telling you to do for the past 2 hours. Put away your world domination plans for a while and head for the kitchen.  
\- Moran

  
 _Oh, fine. But let it be noted that I do so under duress._ (¬д¬。)  
 _\- Jim♔_

  
＿φ(￣ー￣ )  
It's been noted. Now get your arse up here, or you're making your own dinner.  
\- Moran

 

* * *

~♔~ END OF YEAR TWO~⊕~

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **"BOYS. KNOCK IT OFF."**


	3. ~♔~ Year Three: Intimations ~⊕~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feels. FEELS EVERYWHERE.

* * *

  
_It's been one of 'those' days today, just so you're aware._  
 _\- Jim_ ♔

  
...Which of the 'those's is this 'those' referring to?  
\- Moran

  
_I'm rather sure you know which 'those'._  
 _\- Jim_ ♔

  
Jim, you've got, like, ten different 'those's. There's 'angry those', 'depressed those', 'silly those', etc, etc. Spell it out for me, please.  
\- Moran

  
_The one where "Sebastian gives me the "Jim, you really need to stop being so damned impulsive" talk while I studiously ignore 95% of what he says" days._  
 _\- Jim_ ♔

  
What did you do now.  
\- Moran

  
_...Might have just bludgeoned Doctor Klinger with a bookend shaped like Sigmund Freud._  
 _\- Jim_ ♔

  
...Really Jim? This is the third one since Christmas, and it's not even FEBRUARY YET. You can't just keep attacking therapists when they ask personal questions; that's the point of going to therapy!  
\- Moran

  
_I don't NEED to go to therapy, Seb! All they do is ask me asinine questions and make asinine observations. Why should I pay someone to do that when you're willing and able to do it for free?_  
 _\- Jim_ ♔

  
Dammit Jim, I'm a sniper, not a doctor.  
\- Moran

  
ಠﭛಠ  
 _\- Jim_ ♔  
  


...Tell me you didn't _kill your therapist_ in the hopes that I would accidentally make a Bones McCoy reference.  
\- Moran  
  


_Oh relax, Cupcake, it was a joke._  
 _\- Jim_ ♔

  
...You know, I'm starting to see why you were bullied as a kid.  
\- Moran

* * *

~♔~ Three Months Later ~⊕~

* * *

 

_The negotiations are complete - bring the car around, won't you?_  
 _\- Jim_ ♔

  
You've got at least six hired hands there with you - can't one of them do it?  
\- Moran

  
_Sebastian, what part of "Bring the car around" didn't you understand?_  
 _\- Jim_ ♔

  
...You're gonna be waiting a while.  
\- Moran

  
_Moran, you're trying my patience. Bring. The. Car. Around. NOW._  
 _\- Jim_ ♔

  
I would, but it's going to take me a few minutes to get to you.  
\- Moran

  
_Why? What are you doing?_  
 _\- Jim_ ♔

  
Nothing important. I'm on my way, just... Emasculate someone for a little bit, okay?  
\- Moran

  
_While I do commend you for your word choice, it's not going to distract me from how evasive you're acting, so I'm left to assume that whatever it is you're doing is either A) something important that you don't want me to know about, in which case I'll FIND OUT what it is, or B) something important that you're going to tell me about so I won't have to resort to breaking your fingers._  
 _\- Jim_ ♔

  
I went to a bloody PTSD support group meeting, okay?! I saw a brochure about it at your old therapist's office and figured I'd give it a go. Bad idea. Now could you knock it off with the threatening to dismember me, because it's not bloody helping right now.  
\- Moran

  
_Moran, are you having a panic attack?_  
 _\- Jim_ ♔

_Answer me, Sebastian._  
 _\- Jim_ ♔

_Dammit Seb, please answer your damned phone!_  
 _\- Jim_ ♔

* * *

Sorry that I freaked you out earlier, I _really_ wasn't good to drive.  
I know I should have told you about the group thing, but... I dunno why I didn't. Pride, I guess. Which is actually really stupid, because the only reason I felt I could handle dealing with it is because of how well you've been doing with therapy (bludgeoning your doctors aside, of course).  
So yeah, I'm sorry for scaring you and I feel like a total arse for doing it. Can I make it up to you with home-made chocolate chip cookies and a movie night?  
\- Moran  
  
  
 _...Make it Princess Bride and you've got a deal._  
 _\- Jim_ ♔  
  
  
What, _again_? ;P  
I just pulled the cookies out of the oven, so c'mon down whenever you want.  
\- Moran

* * *

 

 

~♔~ Three Months Later ~⊕~

* * *

  
 _How's tricks, Sniper Man?_  
 _\- Jim_ ♔  
  


_Seb?_  
 _\- Jim_ ♔

  
so cold here. made me miss afghanistan. i hate being cold jim  
\- Moran

  
_Haha. I thought you hated Afghanistan?_  
 _\- Jim_ ♔

  
not as much as siberia. rather dealwith sand over snow. m tired and i missed you. your always so warm jim  
\- Moran  
  


_Aww, Seb - you're gonna make me blush~!_  
 _\- Jim_ ♔

  
plane takes off soon. home in 4 hours. gonna sleep for a while k jim  
\- Moran

  
_Haha... Sounds perfect. Sleep well, Sebby._  
 _\- Jim_ ♔

  
okay you too babe love you  
\- Moran  
  
  


* * *

Jim, I woke up a few minutes ago and wondered why you hadn't woken me up for a debrief since I got back from Siberia the day before yesterday. I thought I might have missed a text or something, so I checked the backlog...  
Can we talk about this, please?  
\- Moran

  
Jim - or James, I guess... I'm sorry, okay? Not that I said it - although I would've preferred to say it while I was actually aware of the fact that I was saying it, obviously, but **I'm not sorry about saying it**. I'm seriously not, okay? I'm sorry it scared you, or made you panic, or whatever it did. I won't say it again, if you don't want me to. I'll... Shit. I don't know, okay?  
Just... Please let me in so we can talk?  
\- Moran  
  
  
Jim, please.  
\- Moran

  
Jim, could you at least answer your phone? Please.  
\- Moran

  
Goodnight, Jim. I'll still be out here in the hall if you change your mind about ignoring me. Hope you'll let me in tomorrow.  
\- Moran

 

* * *

Good morning, Jim. I made you some breakfast, it's sitting on a tea tray outside your door. I'm going back down to my quarters to take a shower, so you can avoid seeing me without starving.  
\- Moran  
  
  
Glad you decided to take the tray in, Jim. Sorry if the yolks aren't done right - that stupid Italian bastard called again and demanded he be allowed a face-to-face meeting with you, so I had to deal with that, and I forgot about the eggs for a few seconds.  
\- Moran

...Okay, so that was actually a lie. I made them wrong on purpose because I was hoping that you would freak out about them, because having you tear me a new one over your damned egg yolks is infinitely preferable to the silent treatment.  
\- Moran  
  
  
I made you lunch - it's on the tray - and I'm headed down to the Dungeon to take inventory. I'll be back up in two hours.  
\- Moran  
  


* * *

Since I've got a captive audience, how about a story to pass the time?  
I know how much you like a good story, Jim.  
\- Moran

  
Once upon a time, there was a dog. He wasn't anything special - just a mutt. He lived with his mother and father and his older brother and little sister on a farm and spent his days pretty oblivious to the world outside his fence.  
\- Moran

  
One day, the mutt was sent away to be trained. He was scared and confused as he was roughly shoved into a crate and brought to a new home.  
\- Moran

  
There were lots of other dogs there, and the mutt quickly learned that he had to scare them away or they would hurt him. But even armed with that knowledge, he wasn't always scary enough - wasn't intimidating enough - and he would get hurt.  
\- Moran

  
After a while the mutt was brought back to the farm, but things had changed while he was away. His older brother had been hit by a car, and his mother had given in to her grief. His father had always been a stern and proud dog, but now he had become cruel - viciously attacking without a moment's notice.  
\- Moran

  
Soon the mutt was once again sent away to be trained. It became a vicious cycle - attacking dogs at one home only to be attacked in the other. The farm was far worse, though, because he had to protect his little sister and mother from his father's wrath. The mutt received lots of wounds from his father - ugly bruises, broken bones, and many scars that he couldn't remember the exact cause of. But he had to protect the rest of his family, so he became hard.  
\- Moran

  
When the mutt graduated from training, his master, seeing how hard he had become, decided to sell him to a place that hosted dog fights.  
\- Moran

  
The mutt quickly excelled in the ring - he was an efficient and heartless fighter. But even here he was abused - forced to fight dogs bigger and stronger than himself.  
In the end, he was too efficient - his past eventually caught up with him one night and, along with destroying his opponents, he also killed several of his masters' prized fighters in a blind rage.  
\- Moran  
  


Rather than end him, though, his masters sent him back to the farm once again. There he discovered his mother had died, his sister had been sold to another farm, and his father was as cruel and angry as before. The mutt, having no reason to stay on the farm now that his mother and sister were gone, ran away to the city.  
\- Moran

  
He lived in the streets, fighting and killing rats and other dogs to survive. He hated his life, but he was too proud to run in front of a car and end it all. He became a thin, bony shadow of the strong creature he once was.  
\- Moran

  
And then, just as he was about to give up, a new master came into his life. This new master was broken, too, and saw what he was, deep down - a loyal beast who simply needed a master to take care of him.  
\- Moran

  
The new master used the dog for hunting - allowing him to use his talent for death - and as a guardian, always keeping him at his side. Sometimes the mutt had to fight other dogs, but his master was always there to praise him afterwards. The mutt slowly returned to health, regaining lost muscle and strength. His new master cared for him in his own way - letting him kill small animals in the yard, allowing him to cower under the bed in a thunderstorm... He got to know the dog, something no-one had ever really done before.  
\- Moran

  
In the beginning, the dog feared this new owner. That fear soon turned to respect, which then became trust. Eventually, the dog found himself unable to imagine his life without his master. He remembered how it had once been, but doing so no longer hurt him. He loved to listen to his master plan their hunting trips, or talk about anything, really, because it made him feel like he was home - like he finally had a place to belong.  
\- Moran

  
He now keeps all sorts of vermin far from his master's home with pride, and he isn't as frightened by thunderstorms as he once was, because he knows that his master will be there to protect him, just like he's there to protect his master. Sure, their lives are violent, and crazy, but neither the dog nor the man would have it any other way. They belong together, and it's as simple as that.  
\- Moran  
  


* * *

~♔~ Three Months Later ~⊕~

* * *

 

Jim, why in God's name did you pluck all of the bristles out of my toothbrush?  
ლ(ಠ_ಠლ)  
\- Moran

  
_To prove a point, Darling._  
 _\- Jim_ ♔

  
Which was...?  
\- Moran

  
_That I am a wily and unpredictable man, and you really shouldn't trust me._  
 _\- Jim_ ♔

  
  
After all we've been through, James Moriarty, you have at last alienated me. I shall hasten away from this place and never darken its doorstep again. -_-'  
\- Moran  
  
  
 _HAHAHA! Oh Sebby, there are times when your mind is a thing of terrible beauty._  
 _\- Jim_  
  
  
Yours is rather appealing too, Kiddo. ^_^  
\- Moran

  
_Why do you call me that? You aren't all that much older than me..._  
 _-Jim_ ♔

  
Because pre-integration Jim seemed a lot younger, I guess. It just... Felt right. I'll stop if you want.  
\- Moran

  
_No, no, it's... It's fine. I've just... Never had a nickname before. Well, not a positive one, anyway. Do you have a nickname, Seb? And 'Seb' doesn't count, by the way, because it's just a shortened version of your actual name._  
 _\- Jim_ ♔

  
My little sister called me 'Sebbas' when she first started talking, but I don't really think that counts either. Well, and "Crabby", but I'm rather sure you can figure that one out.  
\- Moran

  
_Oh, you poor unfortunate soul._  (＞▽＜)  
 _\- Jim_ ♔

  
Yeah, yeah, laugh it up. I did get one when I was in the Marines that you'll probably enjoy - "Tiger Shark".  
\- Moran  
  


_Huh. What's the story behind it, Seb?_  
 _\- Jim_ ♔

  
Well, the obvious "creepy shark smile" aside, Tiger Sharks are responsible for more deaths than any other shark, with the exception of the Great White. They're bloody aggressive, they won't back down from the hunt, and they have amazing eyesight which allows them to hunt at night. Their colouration allows them to blend in with their surroundings.   
And they're one of the few species of sharks that kills simply because they feel like it.  
\- Moran

  
_Damn Sebby - that's you, all right. Tiger Shark._  
 _Oo, I quite like it. Quite a bit of potential in it._  
 _Tell me - are you a man eating Tiger Shark?_ (‾ڡ‾)  
 _\- Jim_ ♔

  
Oi. Don't make me come up there.  
\- Moran

  
_Is that a challenge, Darling?_  
 _Face it Tiger - you just hit the jackpot._  
 _\- Jim_ ♔

  
Knock it off now before you end up getting us _both_ in trouble.  
\- Moran  
  
  


* * *

 _I'm sorry, Seb._  
 _\- Jim_ ♔  
  


It's fine, Jim. Just let it go.  
\- Moran  
  


_You were right. Why did you have to be right?_  
 _\- Jim_ ♔

  
It's my job to anticipate your next move as best as I can in order to protect you, Jim. I can't say that I understand you - I honestly don't think anyone can ever claim that honour - but I want to believe that I've become pretty damn proficient at reading you. Granted, it's like trying to read a story written in an alien language with nothing to help translate... But when I get something figured out, it's the most ridiculously  _beautiful_ thing I've ever read.  
\- Moran

  
Jim?   
\- Moran

  
Shit, I set you off again, didn't I? Shit!  
\- Moran

  
_...That was the most ridiculously **sappy** thing I've ever read, Sebastian Moran. Be a dear and get back up here so I can properly melt into your arms, would you? Anxiety be damned._  
 _\- Jim_ ♔  
  
  
As you wish.  
\- Moran

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **I'M NOT EVEN SORRY.**
> 
> \- Hanna the Compiler


	4. ~♔~ Year Four: Invitational ~⊕~

  
_Slight change of plans, Tiger. There's a massive storm brewing, and they've grounded our connecting flight._   
_\- Jim♔_

  
...How is that a 'slight' change of plans? It throws off the whole damn operation! We're on a schedule! There's an itinerary and everything! I just want to go to Mexico, kill a couple of drug lords, take over their cartels, and then go to South America to see the rain forest, BUT NO - Bloody stupid thunderstorms have to ruin it. WHY IS IT ALWAYS THUNDERSTORMS?!  
\- Moran

  
_Seb, Darling, calm down. Deep breaths. I've discussed the issue with the tour agency and I've got everything sorted. We're just going to rearrange some things, all right?_   
_\- Jim♔_

Why does the world hate me, Jim? Whyyyyyyyy  
\- Moran

  
  
_It's not the world, Darling, it's just karma. If you feel the need to vent your rage at someone, though, I suggest you blame the Norse._   
_\- Jim♔_

  
  
...Fuck you, Thor. Fuck you and your fucking hammer.  
\- Moran

  
  
_Exactly._   
_\- Jim♔_

  
  
You know, if they were real, I'd bet you anything that you and Loki would get on well.  
\- Moran

  
  
_Wouldn't we just?! How much fun would that be, gallivanting about with the god of mischief?_   
_\- Jim♔_

  
  
....I'm glad they're only fairytales, actually.  
\- Moran

  
_Oh, you're no fun._   
_\- Jim♔_

  
  
That can easily be remedied, you know.  
\- Moran

  
  
_Oo... Why don't you tell me how you intend to remedy that on our way to the hotel?_   
_\- Jim♔_   


* * *

~♔~ THREE MONTHS LATER~⊕~

* * *

  
_Seb, I'm going to preface this by saying everything is fine, but I need you to come home._   
_\- Jim♔_

What.  
\- Moran

  
_The building's still standing, I'm in one piece, there is no emergency. Well, no medical emergency. Yet._   
_\- Jim♔_

  
  
I'm finding it hard to believe that, so could you just drop the other shoe already?  
\- Moran

  
_Your sister called the house number yesterday and left a message. Which we missed._   
_\- Jim♔_

  
  
Oh, no.  
\- Moran

  
  
_Yeah, apparently not getting a response translates into something entirely different from "we're busy" to her._   
_\- Jim♔_

  
  
...She's there, isn't she?  
\- Moran

  
  
_Well, her baggage is, at least. She had to go to some sort of appointment._   
_\- Jim♔_

  
  
She brought baggage and left it at our flat?  
\- Moran

  
  
_Yes. They said their names are Eddie and Joann._   
_\- Jim♔_

  
  
Their nam-She brought her KIDS and left them at our flat?!  
\- Moran

  
_Apparently she trusted me simply because I know you. Like, seriously, the conversation went:_   
_"Hello, is Sebastian here?"_   
_"Noo, he's at work. Are you-"_   
_"Clarissa, yes. Can you keep these two here until my brother gets back? I have an appointment in twenty minutes. I'm sure you'll be fine, they're rather easy to take care of, aren't you? Have fun with Uncle Seb's friend! Ta!"_   
_And then she waved and drove off._

_So what am I supposed to do with these small humanoid creatures?_   
_\- Jim♔_

  
Don't do anything. I'm on my way home now.  
\- Moran

* * *

  
Rissa, what the HELL are you doing here? Why did you take the kids - WHY DID YOU LEAVE THEM WITH JIM?!  
\- Moran

  
**Hello to you too, Crabby Man. I had an important meeting, and it was the nanny's day off. So his name's Jim, huh? Well, he seemed harmless.**   
**\- Clarissa Moran-Ashford**

  
Harmless? Really? Wow. Your... Wow.  
\- Moran

  
  
**Well, he's your lodger, isn't he? So you trust him, which is good enough for me. Besides, he was blatantly camp, so I figured he was safe.**   
**-Clarissa Moran-Ashford**

  
  
I'm honestly not sure whether to laugh my arse off or cry my eyes out at the absolute absurdity of that statement.  
\- Moran

  
**What? He answered the door in a pair of pink cotton pyjama pants with bulls-eyes and hearts on them. And the way he talks... Trust me, Seb, he's blatantly camp.**   
**You should come to our next dinner party.**   
**\- Clarissa Moran-Ashford**

  
  
...Where the hell did that come from?  
\- Moran

  
  
**There will be a lot of people there, Seb. A lot of female people. Single female people. Father's getting tetchy about the lack of male heirs, and... Just do it, Seb. All right?**   
**\- Clarissa Moran-Ashford**

  
  
Rissa, has it occurred to you that I might possibly be in a relationship?  
\- Moran

  
  
**If that were true, your girlfriend would have been the one to open the door, not your gay lodger.**   
**\- Clarissa Moran-Ashford**

  
  
Actually, it's his building. Which makes me the gay lodger. Well, bisexual lodger.  
It's complicated.  
\- Moran

  
  
**No. Oh, Sebastian, please, tell me you're kidding.**   
**\- Clarissa Moran-Ashford**

  
  
...Is this the part where you reject me for being gay and swear to never speak to me again? Because I'd like to remind you that my gay landlord and I are currently supervising your spawn, so...  
\- Moran

  
**What?! No, I'm not. He seemed nice.**  
But... He will KILL you if this gets out, Seb, you know he will. It'll be like Gus all over again, and I'll be the only one left.  
 **\- Clarissa Moran-Ashford**

  
...Did you really just try to guilt-trip me into breaking up with Jim via not-namedropping our dad and hinting at twenty year old rumours?  
  
Shit, I must have missed the memo about my life becoming a soap opera.  
\- Moran

  
  
**Sebastian... I really don't want him to hurt you. Please just do what he wants?**   
**\- Clarissa Moran-Ashford**

  
  
Yeah, let me just throw away the greatest thing that's ever happened to me for the sake of that bastard.

  
I stopped sacrificing parts of my soul to please others four years ago, and I'm never looking back.  
\- Moran

  
  
**...Okay. You should still come to our dinner party, though. Bring your boyfriend.**   
**\- Clarissa Moran-Ashford**

  
  
Woah, hey, no, he's not my... It's... Complicated. He's not my boyfriend. Do  not call him that, it freaks him out.  
\- Moran

  
  
**But you're together, right? I mean - you're in a relationship?**   
**\- Clarissa Moran-Ashford**

  
  
It's a "flirtatiously serious post-platonic with scheduled snuggle sessions which sometimes spawn make-out sessions that are truncated by James having a massive panic attack" relationship.   
\- Moran

  
**...You've always had a soft spot for broken things, haven't you, Seb?**   
**\- Clarissa Moran-Ashford**

  
You have no idea.  
\- Moran

 

 

* * *

~♔~ THREE MONTHS LATER~⊕~

* * *

 

_...How are you doing Tiger?_   
_\- Jim♔_

  
  
Haven't killed anyone yet, so... I could be worse.  
\- Moran

  
_Pity, that. This is boring as hell. How your sister thinks these deserve to be called "parties" I'll never know._   
_\- Jim♔_

 

Rissa inherited the "classy and aristocratic" Moran genes. I got the "violent and unhinged" ones.  
\- Moran

  
  
_Hmm... I wouldn't be too quick to dismiss your own classiness, Tiger - you fill out that suit rather deliciously. And you know how attractive I find your violent and unhinged tendencies..._ (^_−)☆  
 _\- Jim♔_

  
Down boy.  
\- Moran

  
_Oh, quite the contrary, Darling._   
_\- Jim♔_

  
  
WTF Jim, tell me you're not sexting me at my sister's dinner party.  
\- Moran

  
  
_Pretty sure couples aren't supposed to lie to each other, Tiger._   
_Hmm... I wonder how loud I could make you roar..._   
_\- Jim♔_

  
  
Jim, no- OMG... How is this even my life? HOW.  
\- Moran

  
  
_You've been looking. You *like* it._   
_\- Jim♔_

For the love of God, Jim, please, please, PLEASE stop seducing me AT MY SISTER'S DINNER PARTY with your dessert. I will let you do whatever you want when we leave, but please, not here, not now.  
\- Moran

  
_Whatever I want, hmm?_ ԅ(≖‿≖ԅ)  
 _You might... come... to regret that statement._  
 _-Jim♔_

 

* * *

 

**What the hell is wrong with you? Stop moaning for God's sake, you sound like a bloody porn star!  
\- Clarissa Moran-Ashford**

  
You put Jim across from me and gave him a dish of chocolate mousse. What do you THINK is wrong with me?!  
\- Moran

* * *

~♔~ THREE MONTHS LATER~⊕~

* * *

  
_I'm bored.  
-Jim♔_

  
Hi, Bored. I'm Busy.  
\- Moran

  
_WTF - Did you just Dad Joke me?_   
_\- Jim♔_

_What the hell, Sebby?!_   
_\- Jim♔_

_...I'm extremely uncomfortable with the realisation that you have such a terrible sense of humour._   
_\- Jim♔_

 

* * *

_Sebebebebebebeb_

_-Jim♔_

  
  
What is it now, Jim?  
\- Moran

  
_BORED_   
_\- Jim♔_

_DYING OF BOREDOM_   
_\- Jim♔_

  
No you're not, Jim. Stop being so dramatic; I'll be back tonight. Few more hours won't kill you.  
\- Moran

  
_...I never said *I* was the one dying of boredom, Darling.  
_ ψ(｀∇´)ψ  
 _\- Jim♔_

  
Dammit Jim, no, we talked about this, don't kill the cover staff, we need them alive.  
\- Moran

  
_But Seb, you've been gone for two whole weeks and I haven't had anyone to play with!  
_ ಥ_ಥ  
 _\- Jim♔_

  
Oh, for God's sake Jim - go play Call of Duty.  
\- Moran

  
_Mmm... Not as fun, but I suppose I'll make it work._   
_Honestly, Darling, the things I do for you..._   
_\- Jim♔_

  
Thank you ever so much for your restraint, Dear. It simply warms my heart.  
-_-  
\- Moran

 

* * *

~♔~ THREE MONTHS LATER~⊕~

* * *

 

_Your sister invited us over for Christmas dinner.  
\- Jim♔_

  
  
Up to you, Jim. It'll just be family.  
\- Moran

  
  
_Mmm... Will it._   
_\- Jim♔_

  
  
Yeah, Edwin's siblings and parents usually show up.  
\- Moran

  
_Just his family?_   
_\- Jim♔_

  
  
Wha- Oh. Yeah. My father's not going to be there - he and Ed Senior got in a huge fight 7 years ago and now he refuses to associate with the Ashfords. He's been a real bastard about it to Riss, but she's getting better at ignoring it.  
\- Moran

  
_...I haven't had "family Christmas dinner" since my Mother died. I'm not sure I really want to... You know._   
_\- Jim♔_

  
Honestly, Jim? Neither have I. Except it was Gus' death that did us in, but... Yeah.

What would you say to us forgoing Christmas with my sister and her in-laws to snuggle on the couch while watching Doctor Who re-runs and eating Ben and Jerry's?  
\- Moran

  
_Allons-y, Tiger._   
_\- Jim♔_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **"It's a "flirtatiously serious post-platonic with scheduled snuggle sessions which sometimes spawn make-out sessions that are truncated by James having a massive panic attack" relationship."**


	5. ~♔~ Year Five: Injurious ~⊕~

_Don't say no._  
 _\- Jim♔  
_

You realise that the answer is now definitely going to be no, don't you? You might as well have said, "Seb, I've got a terrible idea!"  
\- Moran  
  


_No, this is a great idea, actually._  
 _\- Jim♔_

  
  
Yeah, that's what you said last time.  
\- Moran

  
  
_While being decidedly juvenile, flushing dry ice down the toilet at the Diogenes Club was also absolutely brilliant and you know it._  
 _\- Jim♔_

  
  
...Okay, I'll admit to the fact that a law clerk being killed by shards of flying porcelain is hilarious. But that doesn't mean I'm sold on whatever this new idea is.  
\- Moran

  
  
_Well, if you'd just stop bitching about it and let me explain..._  
 _\- Jim♔_

  
  
Sorry, go ahead.  
\- Moran

  
_Thanks ever so much, Darling._

_I'm going to draft up a letter from Hogwarts and have it sent to every London household with children of age, printed with Mycroft Holmes' personal address and mobile number for... parental inquiries._  
 _\- Jim♔_

  
  
James Moriarty: proof that some men just want to watch the world burn.  
\- Moran

  
  
_Oh, Puddin'... Aren't I just?_   
_\- Jim♔_   


* * *

_I've altered the plan slightly.  
\- Jim♔_

  
This is me, surprised:  
-_-  
Oh. Guess I'm not surprised.  
\- Moran

  
_Cocky twat._  
 _\- Jim♔_

  
Snarky git.  
\- Moran

  
_Stubborn arsehole._  
 _\- Jim♔_

  
Whiny bitch.  
\- Moran

  
_Unemployed sniper..._  
 _\- Jim♔_

  
Majestic evil genius?  
\- Moran

  
_Well-trained pet. ;)_   
_\- Jim♔_   


* * *

~♔~ Three Months Later ~⊕~

* * *

 

_New target, Tiger._  
 _\- Jim♔_

  
Okay.  
\- Moran

Are you going to send me the details?  
\- Moran

  
  
[image attachment: meyer1]  
 _\- Jim♔_

  
  
Is that..?  
\- Moran

  
  
Stephanie Meyer? Yes.  
 _\- Jim♔_

  
  
Okay, why?  
\- Moran

  
_...Really, Seb?_  
 _I should think it's blatantly obviously..._  
 _\- Jim♔_

  
  
Okay, yeah, but... Why order the hit now?  
\- Moran

  
  
_They've sucked Cedric into their twisted farcical vampire tale!_  
 _*gross sobbing*_  
 _\- Jim♔_

  
  
What the actual fuck are you going on about.  
\- Moran

  
_CEDRIC DIGGORY'S A SPARKLE FAERIE._  
 _\- Jim♔_

  
...They cast Robert Pattinson as the sparkle stalker?! WTF?! WHY?!  
\- Moran

  
_I knoooooow! DX_   
_\- Jim♔_   
  


* * *

~♔~ Three Months Later ~⊕~

* * *

  
 _Heey Seb, the Moranions and I are sciencing in the kitchen and we need you to help._

_Specifically with the preparation of foodstuffs._  
 _Moranion 1 requests oatmeal raisin cookies. Moranion 2 posits that she's an alien._  
 _I'm inclined to agree._  
 _I ask you; what sort of juvenile humanoid prefers raisins to chocolate chip?_  
 _Answer: an alien one._  
 _LOGIC!_  
 _*jazz hands*_  
 _\- Jim♔_

  
Jim... How long have my nieces been here?!  
\- Moran

  
_Um... Let me ask._  
 _\- Jim♔_

_Moranion 1 says it's only been 2 hours._  
 _\- Jim♔_

  
Why wasn't I aware of the fact that my sister's kids have been here for 2 hours?  
\- Moran

  
_Scientific Assignations with the Moranions usually doesn't require your attention, so... I didn't think you needed to know..?_  
 _\- Jim♔_

  
First off, don't ever refer to my nieces in a sentence while using the word 'assignations', it makes you sound like a pedo.  
Secondly: What do you mean, "usually"?! How often does this happen?!  
\- Moran

  
_Scientific Assemblage, then._

_I took over when football season ended and they didn't have after school practice. Clare knows about it, she's the one who set it up._  
 _\- Jim♔_

  
  
THAT WAS A MONTH AGO. YOU'VE BEEN HOSTING MY NIECES EVERY DAY AFTER SCHOOL FOR A MONTH?!  
\- Moran

  
_  
_

_Not hardly, they only had football practice on Fridays._  
  
 _I should probably change the letterhead..._  
 _\- Jim♔_

  
  
IT'S WEDNESDAY!

...You have letterhead?  
\- Moran

  
_Huh... Apparently they've taken advantage of my wonky spatial awareness._  
 _Devious little fuckers._  
 _Can't say that I blame them, though - Science!_

_And of course we have letterhead - it's on our notepaper. _  
_\- Jim♔_

  
  
Okay, "Professor", what sort of 'science!' are you doing? And know that if I don't like the answer, I'm going to cancel your "Scientific Assmeblage" until further notice.  
\- Moran

  
  
_...Smoke bombs..?_  
 _\- Jim♔_

  
  
...Potassium nitrate or ammonium nitrate?  
\- Moran

  
  
Yes.  
  
 _There are ping pong balls as well._  
 _\- Jim♔_

  
  
How many do you guys have?  
\- Moran

  
_...A lot._  
 _\- Jim♔_

  
Give me five minutes so I can put this body in the vault and then bring 'em down to the 'Dungeon'. The ventilation in the kitchen is absolute rot for clearing out smoke.  
\- Moran

  
_You're fine with the fact that there's a possibility of one of our nieces finding a corpse?_  
 _That's attractive as hell._  
 _\- Jim♔_

  
  
Not as attractive as you referring to my nieces as 'ours'.  
\- Moran

  
  
_...It was a typo, but regardless - good to know._   
_\- Jim♔_   
  


* * *

~♔~ Three Months Later ~⊕~

* * *

 

_Hey Sleeping Beauty - glad you finally decided to join me._  
 _\- Jim♔_

  
  
_I'm typing on my phone because your eardrum was ruptured in the accident and your hearing was affected._  
 _\- Jim♔_

  
  
_Breathe Darling, it's okay - they said it's only temporary._  
 _How's everything feeling?_  
 _\- Jim♔_

  
  
_Don't fuss with it, pet - you've got a rather deep gash from your eye to your ear. You fractured your right zygomatic arch and skull when you hit the hood._  
 _Your right leg is a mess - the front bumper hit just below your knee, though, so it could've been worse._  
 _And you dislocated your left shoulder when you landed._  
 _\- Jim♔_

  
  
_Shhh, no, Seb, don't start. It's your job, remember? It's what I hired you for in the first place. You protected me, Tiger - I would've been dead if you hadn't done it._  
 _\- Jim♔_

  
  
_Sebastian, stop arguing with me. It's not your fault. It's the fucking bastard who came at us with his car that was at fault. And he's been taken care of, so there's no reason for you to worry. Just rest, okay?_  
 _\- Jim♔_

  
  
_Yes, I'm being honest. Why wouldn't I be?_  
 _\- Jim♔_

  
  
_Darling, have I EVER said anything to you 'to make you feel better'?_  
 _\- Jim♔_

  
  
_That's not true, I did have fun shooting skeet with you and your brother-in-law. I just prefer my targets to be a bit more... Sentient, is all._  
 _\- Jim♔_

  
  
_I'm sorry - "Floaty"?_  
 _\- Jim♔_

  
  
_Ah. That's your pain meds, Darling. Don't fight them - just go to sleep._  
 _\- Jim♔_

  
  
_I promise I won't leave you._  
 _\- Jim♔_

  
  
_No, I doubt that it would go over too well with the nurses. The bed is too narrow, anyway._  
 _\- Jim♔_

  
  
_We are not going to cuddle._  
 _\- Jim♔_

  
  
_No, I'm not mad at you. Why would I be mad at you?_  
 _\- Jim♔_

  
  
_Oh Darling, your drug-addled logic is simply adorable._  
 _\- Jim♔_

  
  
_It means that you're being ridiculous._  
 _\- Jim♔_

  
  
_Puppy eyes will not get you cuddles Seb, so stop._  
 _-Jim♔_  
  
  
  
 _Wait, are you actually crying? Holy shit - what have they got you on?!_  
 _No, hey, stop, shh, I'll bloody cuddle with you, just wait a moment while I take off my jacket and shoes._  
 _\- Jim♔_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **"Puppy eyes will not get you cuddles Seb, so stop."**
> 
> _(It might not get Seb cuddles, but it does get you guys a[tie-in](http://archiveofourown.org/works/2340701))_


	6. ~♔~ Year Six: Incursion ~⊕~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note: this chapter contains passing mention of Jim and Seb killing their neighbour's dog.
> 
> Just FYI.  
>  Oo, and also - Seb's cookies are _fantastic_.  
>  Actually, anything he makes is good.
> 
> Oh, now Jim's giving me the stink eye. Time to get back to work...
> 
> \- Hanna the Compiler

 

* * *

  
Jim.  
\- Moran

  
 _Yes Darling?_  
 _\- Jim♔_

  
Why in fuck's name is there a corpse in the kitchen -where we make food- instead of the basement -where we dismember bodies?  
\- Moran

  
 _I knew I'd forgotten about something._  
 _\- Jim♔_

  
How... How did you get him up here in the first place?!  
\- Moran

  
 _Gilded invitation. Well, not literally gilded. Nor invitational, come to think of it..._

_He was part of the crew that installed the lift last month._  
 _Thought he'd come back to "see how it was working for us"._  
 _Check out the toolbox in the foyer._  
 _\- Jim♔_

  
I'm not sure whether I should be insulted or impressed by this, to be honest.  
Signal jammer... security override codes...  
How the hell did he get some of this shit in the first place?  
\- Moran

  
 _He wasn't exactly forthcoming with that information, but I managed to get a name out of him._  
 _I'm currently following up on it._  
 _\- Jim♔_

  
Please be careful Jim. You remember what happened in Japan...  
\- Moran

  
 _Don't worry Darling, I've brought back-up for my back-up. It shouldn't be more than a half hour - why don't you call over one of the boys to take care of our guest and then get dinner situated?_  
 _\- Jim♔_

  
Way ahead of you, Jim.  
Care to make a request?  
\- Moran

  
 _Mmm... I trust you, Tiger._  
 _\- Jim♔_

  
I'm genuinely flattered.  
\- Moran

  
 _Now go sit down and put your foot up._  
 _\- Jim♔_

  
Haha... Yes Dear.  
\- Moran

 

* * *

 

_I may be batshit, but you can't fault my logic. I do so enjoy it when my plans fall together..._  
 _\- Jim♔_

  
Did I miss something..?  
\- Moran

  
 _No, sweetie, you haven't. I'm just congratulating myself on my brilliance. The pieces are all there, I just have to flick the switch and tick tick tick BANG!_  
 _Mousetrap._  
 _\- Jim♔_

  
...Who's the mouse?  
\- Moran

  
 _You'll see in time, pet._  
 _\- Jim♔_

  
...So you just interrupted my PT session to gloat.  
\- Moran

  
 _Well, I also wanted to inform you that I'm in an absolutely stellar mood this afternoon and I feel like doing something fun._  
 _\- Jim♔_

  
On a scale from One to Ten (One being "firing range" and Ten being "Getting fitted for a new suit") what sort of fun?  
\- Moran

  
 _Five._  
 _\- Jim♔_

  
  
Really Five, or are you just saying that to placate me?  
\- Moran

  
  
 _They unveiled the new Twilight figures at Tussauds. I should very much like to visit._  
 _\- Jim♔_

  
  
...You know, I've been meaning to get my lighter refilled - the butane's nearly run out. How about I get that taken care of on the way?  
\- Moran

_Oo, sounds like a date. ;)_  
 _\- Jim♔_  


* * *

~♔~ Three Months Later ~⊕~

* * *

 

  
THE SMOKE ALARM IS GOING OFF;  
WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?!  
\- Moran

_I officially give up._  
 _\- Jim♔_

  
WTF ARE YOU BURNING?!  
\- Moran

  
 _They were supposed to be a surprise for your birthday!_  
 _\- Jim♔_

  
WHAT. DID. YOU. DO?!  
\- Moran

  
  
  
_\- Jim♔_   
  
  
_I failed, Seb. I FAILED. I got the recipe for your favourite cookies from Clare and I FUCKING FAILED AT MAKING THEM._   
_I'm a terrible person._   
_\- Jim♔_   


You aren't terrible, Jim, you made an effort and it was really sweet, okay? Just calm down, I'll be up in a minute and then we can make them together, okay?  
\- Moran

And maybe open the windows.  
\- Moran

  
 _Sorry I ruined your birthday surprise, Seb._  
 _\- Jim♔_

  
Jim, I honestly can't think of anything I'd rather do on my birthday than make cookies with you.  
\- Moran

  
 _Awww... Feels, Seb. I has them. ^_^_  
 _But wait - what about killing the neighbour's yappy rat?_  
 _\- Jim♔_

  
...We can do that while the cookies bake. Do you have a plan?  
\- Moran

  
 _Ohh, I miiiiiight..._  
 _\- Jim♔_

 

* * *

  
Hey Kitten -  
I'm currently writing this from the Dungeon, but you aren't going to get it until later (assuming I've figured out the 'delay message' thing).  
  
Just wanted to thank you again for everything you've done for me; not just today, either. (Don't get me wrong, though, I love the Jag. It ran over that obnoxious bitch like a dream. The pyjamas are great too, although I question how long I'm going to be able to keep these before you steal them from me, just like always <3)  
  
I can't wait to join you at work again soon - my trigger finger is itchy as fuck.  
Love you.  
\- Tiger  


* * *

~♔~ Three Months Later ~⊕~

* * *

 

 

_sdfdghjklouygrv;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;_  
 _\- Jim♔_

...Did you just text me with your arse?  
\- Moran

Jim?  
\- Moran

I'll take that as a yes.  
\- Moran  


* * *

 

_I'm beginning to hate this new phone Sex._  
 _\- Jim♔_

_SEX, not Sex._  
 _\- Jim♔_

_Duck! SEB._  
 _\- Jim♔_

_Oh for duck's sacks._  
 _\- Jim♔_

_FUCK'S SAKE_  
 _\- Jim♔_  


Having trouble with autocorrect, Jim?  
\- Moran

  
  
Oh, you noticed. Yes, autoerect is trying to ruin my life.  
 _\- Jim♔_

 _DAMMIT._  
I'm going to turnip off. It's ridiculous.  
 _\- Jim♔_

_You know what I eat._  
 _\- Jim♔_

_MEANT. BLOODY DUCKLING FELL!_  
 _\- Jim♔_

_*facepalm*_  
 _\- Jim♔_

  
I dunno about you, Jim, but I'm finding your frustration increasingly entertaining.  
\- Moran

  
 _Shut up, Moron._  
 _\- Jim♔_

_LOL Autocorrect turns your name into Moron. I no longer hate this duckling program._  
 _\- Jim♔_

_OH FOR GOD'S SACKS_  
 _\- Jim♔_  


* * *

 

You get your phone figured out, yet?  
\- Moran

  
 _Yeah comma pretty sure I did period no Siri doon't type out the fookin puncshuayshen YRU doooing this to me U stupit phone what the fook I ahm thiiiiiiiiis cloos to_  
 _\- Jim♔_

...The following conversation is going to be the highlight of my day, isn't it?  
\- Moran

  
 _Nope. I turned her off. I'll hack her and rewrite her programming later, should be fun!_  
 _Anyyyyyway~ Was there a reason you texted?_  
 _\- Jim♔_

  
This guy has got to have the most boring life; he's been watching some American sitcom for five hours now and hasn't left his chair for anything. Why were we hired to get rid of him, again?  
\- Moran

  
 _I don't ask questions other than, "Who do you want dead?" and "How much are you willing to pay?" when it comes to assassinations._  
 _\- Jim♔_

  
...Wait a second.  
\- Moran

Oh, you've got to be kidding me!  
\- Moran

  
 _What?_  
 _\- Jim♔_

  
...I kid you not - the bastard's just had a heart attack.  
\- Moran.

  
 _What, seriously?_  
 _\- Jim♔_

  
Yeah - he just grabbed his chest and tipped over.  
What are the odds?  
\- Moran

  
 _Is that a legitimate question? Because I can figure it out for you, if you want._  
 _\- Jim♔_

  
Not really, no, but thanks for the offer. What do you want me to do now?  
\- Moran

  
_Make sure he's really dead and then come back home. The client wanted it to look like an accident, and you really can't get much more accidental than a heart attack._   
_\- Jim♔_   


* * *

~♔~ Three Months Later ~⊕~

* * *

  
I'm getting sick and tired of this, Jim. I really am. You send me off on a bloody wild goose chase -alone- with next to no information and I've about had it.  
\- Moran  


_What are you bitching about now, Moran? I didn't outline your mission well enough for you, is that it? Or maybe you wanted Jimmy to come along and hold you hand?_

_Stop complaining and do your job._  
 _\- JM♔_

  
  
Oh, it's YOU, James. Can't say as though I'm happy to hear from you, but it does mean that something big is happening in London.

Anything I should worry about?  
\- Moran

  
 _You should worry about what will happen to you if you EVER talk to me like that again._  
 _Now do your bloody job._  
 _\- JM♔_

Yes Sir. You won't hear from me again until I've finished my mission, Sir.  
\- Moran  


* * *

 

_Whenever I'm alone with you_  
 _You make me feel like I am home again_  
 _Whenever I'm alone with you_  
 _You make me feel like I am whole again_  
 _\- Jim♔_

  
Is this your way of apologising? Serenading me via text message?  
\- Moran

  
 _...It might be, yes._  
 _\- Jim♔_

  
....Why is it that you can be so bloody annoying one minute and so bloody adorable the next?  
\- Moran

  
 _I'm changeable, Tiger. You know that._  
 _\- Jim♔_

  
*sigh*  
Yeah, I do.

I love you, too, by the way.  
\- Moran

  
 _Mmm. Miss you._  
 _It's too loud in my head without you here._  
 _\- Jim♔_

  
Just try to go to sleep, Babe. I'll be back by Friday.  
\- Moran

  
 _Mmm... I'll try._  
 _Take a picture of your stars for me._  
 _\- Jim♔_

  
I always do.  
\- Moran

  
\- Moran

* * *

~♔~ OCTOBER 2009 ~⊕~

* * *

 

 

_Did you see the papers, Seb?_  
 _\- Jim♔_

  
...You're going to need to be more specific.  
\- Moran

  
 _Sir Jeffrey Patterson's dead. Suicide. No one expected it - wife's in shock, poor thing._  
 _\- Jim♔_

  
Okay..?  
\- Moran

  
 _The switch has been flicked, Darling._  
 _\- Jim♔_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "The switch has been flicked, Darling." 
> 
> Jim serenaded Seb with The Cure's [Lovesong](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ThnePX8ghfo). Adele did a cover, as well.
> 
> \- Hanna the Compiler


	7. ~♔~ Year Seven, Part One: Implementation ~⊕~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Oh yay, the Sherlock saga begins. -_-**
> 
> _Oh, stop your bitching Sebastian. Honestly... _

* * *

* * *

~♔~ 28 January 2010 ~⊕~

_HAHAHA Oh, wow. "Don't Commit Suicide". What an arse._  
 _\- Jim♔_

_Looks like the mouse has just come out to play. :)_  
 _\- Jim♔_

  
The mobiles?  
\- Moran

  
_Mmhmm. It's Sherlock._  
 _\- Jim♔_

  
Is he here at the press conference?  
\- Moran

  
_No, of course not, stop looking around, you look ridiculous._  
 _\- Jim♔_

  
..Why am I even here, anyway? I mean, you've got surveillance cameras all over bloody Scotland Yard, what's the point of having me here?  
\- Moran

  
_Don't forget, Darling - despite everything else we have together, you are still my pawn._  
 _I'm simply moving you into position just like the rest._  
 _\- Jim♔_

  
Only a pawn, Jim? I'm hurt. (╯•﹏•╰)  
\- Moran

  
_If I weren't being slowly driven even more insane by the absolute stupidity of the general population which utilises technology incorrectly, I might actually regret hurting your feelings.  
_ (ノಠ ∩ಠ)ノ=͟͟͞͞ ⌨ (゜ロ゜)!  
 _\- Jim♔_

  
HAHA!  
I told you that working in IT was a terrible cover choice!  
\- Moran

  
_Yes, all right, enough._  
I've begun to compile a list of people for us to kill when we've got free time.  
 _\- Jim♔_

  
' IT worker snaps, slaughters entire client list. "Try turning it on now!".  
As far as headlines go, I've seen worse.  
\- Moran

  
_Look at you, Mister Freelance Journalist, getting in to character..._  
 _*sniff*_  
 _Daddy's so proud._  
 _\- Jim♔_

  
Drawing the line at 'Daddy', Jim. It's creepy as fuck.  
\- Moran

  
_Aww, really? I thought, what with all your daddy issues..._  
 _\- Jim♔_

  
Stop while you're ahead, Jim.  
\- Moran

  
_Speaking of head...  
_ ಠﭛಠ  
 _\- Jim♔_

  
I fucking walked into that one, didn't I.  
\- Moran

  
_Mm, you SO did, Tiger._   
_\- Jim♔_   


* * *

~♔~ 29 January, 2010 ~⊕~  


_Well, well, well. Looks like our mouse has found a pet!_

  
  
_Doctor John H. Watson, Fifth Northumberland Fusiliers..._  
 _How about that? An Army Doctor with sniper training._

_I hope this doesn't distract him from the case. :)_  
 _\- Jim♔_

  
What, the one about Downing? Or Hope?  
\- Moran

  
_Downing..?_  
 _Oh... Reading Sherlock's blog in your spare time, hmm?_  
 _There's a green ladder in the brother's shed._  
 _\- Jim♔_

  
Is it really his ladder, though?  
\- Moran

  
_Mrs Downing paid us an awful lot of money to make sure it seemed that way._  
>:)  
 _\- Jim♔_

_Back to your original inquiry - Hope's next target will more than likely be Holmes - he thinks he's smart enough to take him on, the poor fool._  
 _I want you to monitor him and, if he deviates..._  
 _Blam!_  
 _\- Jim♔_

  
Right. I'm on it.  
\- Moran

  
_Good boy._  
 _\- Jim♔_

 

* * *

~♔~ 30 January, 2010 ~⊕~

 

  
_If I didn't know better, I'd think you made that shot tonight, Darling._  
 _\- Jim♔_

  
I didn't expect Watson to be that good, to be honest. It was beautiful, really - a single-shot incapacitation that allowed Holmes time to get his answers before Hope bled out.  
Kinda reminded me of us in the old days.  
\- Moran

  
_Why Sebby, are we feeling nostalgic?_  
 _\- Jim♔_

  
Mm. Sure, why not? Now that he's got your name, I'm not going to see you for a while - you'll be too busy playing with your new toy.  
\- Moran

  
_Aww... Don't be jealous, Darling. You'll always be my favourite plaything._   
_\- Jim♔_   
  


* * *

~♔~ 24 March, 2010 ~⊕~

* * *

 

_Want to go to a circus with me the day after next?_  
 _\- Jim♔_

  
...Are we talking about a legitimate circus, or is 'circus' a euphemism for something far less family-friendly but infinitely more satisfying?  
\- Moran

  
_Considering that said circus is actually a cover for a group of Chinese smuggler/assassins attempting to retrieve a stolen jade hairpin valued at over nine million pounds..._  
 _It's neither._  
 _\- Jim♔_

  
Nine million pounds for a hairpin?!  
\- Moran

  
_Mmhmm._  
 _I've got to start worming my way into the good graces of Sherlock's other pet. I would invite her to the circus too, but that seems a bit... Naff. What do you think?_  
 _\- Jim♔_

  
...You're asking me; the man who is, for all intents and purposes, your homosexual life partner - for advice on how to ask out a woman in an attempt to catch another man's attention.  
\- Moran

  
-3- __  
So that's a no on inviting Miss Hooper to the circus?  
 _\- Jim♔_

  
Yeah, it's a definite no. I've told you how I feel about this, Jim. I love you, and I... I just don't like this.  
It's bad enough that all I seem to hear lately is "Sherlock this" and "Holmes that"...  
\- Moran

  
_Darling, you know I'm only interested in her because of the Game. I'd never leave you for a mousey woman who believes that Sherlock Holmes hung the moon and stars in the sky._

_Something which is completely and utterly laughable, as he's completely ignorant about all things astronomical..._  
 _\- Jim♔_

  
Don't think I didn't notice that you didn't reassure me about where I stand with you when it comes to Holmes.  
\- Moran

  
_Oh, for God's sake, Sebastian - you're my favourite,remember?_  
  
 _Playing with Sherlock is like looking in a funhouse mirror at a carnival. You see a distorted version of yourself, and while it's entertaining for a while, eventually everyone goes back to ride the roller coaster; it's exciting, thrilling, and, at times, nausea-inducing._

_You're my roller coaster, Sebastian. Don't ever doubt that._  
 _\- Jim♔_

  
...You're a romantic son of a bitch when you put your mind to it.  
\- Moran  
  
  
 _Tell anyone and I will deny it and then shoot you in the knee.  
_ ( ＾◡＾)っ⌐╦╦═─ _  
_  
 _\- Jim♔_  
  


* * *

~♔~ 26 March 2010 ~⊕~

  
_I had fun last night. Well, this morning. Maybe we can do coffee again some time?_  
 _\- Jim from IT_

  
  
I'm sorry - you've reached the wrong significant other. Do try again later.  
\- Moran

  
  
_She's not my significant other. She's not a significant ANYTHING._   
_Dear God, Sebastian, the woman only talked about two things._   
_\- Jim♔_   


Would her work be one of those things?  
\- Moran

  
_I WISH. Oh, God, how I wish. But no - she apparently considers her cat and 'Dancing with the Stars' as "safe topics". Every so often she'd start talking about Sherlock, but then she'd catch herself, apologise, and change the subject to her cat or Pamela Anderson's outfit._  
  
 _Of COURSE Pamela Anderson wasn't wearing any knickers - if she had, the panty lines would have distracted the judges from her performance!_  
 _\- Jim♔_

  
Watch out, Jim - your gay is showing.  
\- Moran

  
_Darling, my gay could strut into the morgue and bludgeon Molly Hooper across the face with its **fabulous** man-purse and she would **still** be oblivious._  
 _\- Jim♔_

  
...Good to know..?  
\- Moran  
  


* * *

~♔~ 27 March 2010 ~⊕~

  
((Without you – without your assistance – we would not have found passage into London. You have my thanks.))  
  
  
 **M: GRATITUDE IS MEANINGLESS**  
 **M: IT IS ONLY THE EXPECTATION OF FURTHER FAVOURS**

  
(( We did not anticipate ... we did not know this man would come – this Sherlock Holmes. And now your safety is compromised.))

**  
M: THEY CANNOT TRACE THIS BACK TO ME**

((I will not reveal your identity.))  


**M: I AM CERTAIN.**  


* * *

 

_Moran - I feel like having Chinese Take-out. Care to do the honours?_  
 _\- JM♔_

  
It would be my pleasure, Sir.  
\- Moran

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **"Darling, my gay could strut into the morgue and bludgeon Molly Hooper across the face with its _fabulous_ man-purse and she would _still_ be oblivious." **


	8. ~♔~ Year Seven, Part Two: Imbricate ~⊕~

* * *

28 March 2010

* * *

 

  
Bit of a domestic over on Baker Street. Watson's just burst out in a snit. You want me to follow him?  
\- Moran

  
  
_No, he'll just spend the night at that.. What's her name's flat. Sarah._   
_Just stick to the plan, Darling._   
_\- Jim♔_

_Actually, I'm nearly done here - why don't I come join you?_   
_\- Jim♔_

  
  
I was just about to order something to eat... I'll get the usual - it should be here by 2240 hours.  
\- Moran

  
  
_Easy on the military lingo there, Tiger! Unless, of course, you want me standing at attention... ;)_   
_\- Jim♔_

  
  
Well, that's good to know...  
\- Moran  


* * *

29 March 2010

* * *

 

Mycroft Holmes just entered Baker Street  
\- Moran

  
_Don't distract me while I'm getting ready. Did you deliver the package?_   
_\- JM♔_

  
You told me to keep an eye on Holmes. I can't very well do both, Jim.  
\- Moran

  
_Don't be insubordinate, Moran. Deliver the package, wait 45 minutes, and then head back to the Dungeon. You'll find an envelope on the worktable containing your new orders._   
_\- JM♔_

  
Yes, Sir.  
\- Moran  


* * *

 

Call this number: 07544680989. Read aloud the texts that follow.  
\- X

Do as you're told, and you might survive. Now. Call the number.  
\- X  


* * *

 

((Hello?))

  
Hello, Sexy.  
\- ??

  
((Who's this?))

  
I’ve sent you a little puzzle just to say hi.  
\- ??

  
((Who’s talking? Why are you crying?))

  
  
I'm not crying; I'm typing, and this stupid bitch is reading it out.  
\- ??  


Twelve hours to solve my puzzle, Sherlock, or I’m going to be so naughty.  
\- ??

* * *

 

_How's tricks, Soldier?_   
_\- Jim♔_

  
No change - I know I'm a sniper, but this gets so bloody boring - especially when I know you're less than a half hour away. I could honestly leave right now, grab a late lunch with you, and then come back and NOTHING would have changed while I was gone.  
\- Seb

  
_Haha... Go ahead, if you want to risk your life._   
_You're 'Seb', now, hmm?_   
_\- Jim♔_

  
...That'd be why I'm still in Cornwall and not there with you.  
And yeah, it's a new phone - I figured I might as well try it. You want me to change it back to 'Moran'?  
\- Seb

  
_Your choice, Tiger. Anyway, I just wanted to ask you to wish me luck; it's "go time"._   
_\- Jim♔_

  
..Why in God's name would I wish you luck when I know you're about to go and flirt with another man..?  
\- Seb

  
_Aww, don't be like that - It's not his token I'm riding off to battle with, is it?_   
_\- Jim♔_   


...Was that why you insisted I let you wear my dog tags last night?!  
\- Seb

  
_No, that was just a spur of the moment kink thing - which I know you enjoyed as well, so don't bother denying it._   
_And to answer your next question, no, I don't plan on giving them back any time soon._   
_\- Jim♔_

  
I figured as much. You always do whatever you want to do, why should what I want matter at all?  
\- Seb

  
_If I call you right before I go in and turn on speaker phone so you can hear everything that gets said, will you give up your ludicrous supposition that I'm going to leave you for Sherlock Holmes?_   
_\- Jim♔_

  
...It wouldn't hurt.  
\- Seb

* * *

[CALL RECORDED - 5:25 PM, 29 March, 2010](http://fabulous-moriarty.tumblr.com/post/98600042231/meeting-sherlock-for-the-first-time-audio)

* * *

 

_See? Your position as my favourite toy is still perfectly safe._   
_\- Jim♔_   


The hell accent was that?  
\- Seb  


_My "non-threatening gay IT boy" voice._   
_Why, d'you like it?_   
_\- Jim♔_

  
...Bit plain, honestly.  
I prefer the brogue.... Especially when you're begging in it.  
;)  
\- Seb

  
_That knowledge will allow me to survive another date with Mousey Hooper; if only because I have something to look forward to afterwards._   
_\- Jim♔_

  
Damn right you do.  
\- Seb  


* * *

 

_He's figured it out, Seb - let the hostage free._   
_\- Jim♔_

  
  
I'll send the final prompt and head home. You want anything?  
\- Seb

  
  
_I want to stop watching this stupid American show with this stupid woman so I can go home and be Irish for you._   
_\- Jim♔_

  
  
I may be able to fix this - hang on a mo'.  
\- Seb  


* * *

 

Well done, you. Come and get me.  
-X  


* * *

 

_Sebastian Moran, you devious scoundrel - Have I mentioned how absolutely chuffed I am by how well you play the Game?_   
_\- Jim♔_

  
Glad to know you approve of me causing a massive traffic accident, Jim.  
\- Seb

  
_A traffic accident that forced Miss Hooper to take an extra shift in the Morgue. Don't belittle yourself, Darling, it was ingenious. I should reward you._   
_\- Jim♔_

  
I am all for being rewarded, Sir.  
\- Seb  


* * *

30 March, 2010

* * *

 

_So he's off on the hunt again now, hmm?_   
_\- Jim♔_

  
Yes, he is. You still haven't answered my question - why am I doing this, instead of one of the dozens of other snipers you have access to?  
\- Seb

  
_Because I'm working from the house today and you're entirely too distracting._   
_\- Jim♔_

  
...As excuses go, that one's actually not half bad.  
\- Seb

  
_Thank you, Darling. I try._   
_\- Jim♔_   


* * *

 

_Well, he's done it again, with 3 hours to spare. Cut him lose, will you?_   
_\- Jim♔_

  
...Just once, can I shoot the hostage? Is it too much to ask? I mean, I sit here for 5 hours and I don't even get to make the bloody shot!  
\- Seb

  
_Oh you poor baby. Come back home and we can shoot something in the basement._   
_\- Jim♔_

_With guns this time, not cameras._   
_\- Jim♔_

_Although there can be cameras involved, if you want. ;)_   
_\- Jim♔_   


* * *

31 March, 2010

* * *

 

_Why don't you chose today's potential victim, Darling? I'm feeling particularly magnanimous this morning._   
_\- Jim♔_

  
Lemme check the list....  
Huh.  
Well, there's the man who owns that block of flats... I could go in as a worker and strap a bomb to a resident...  
\- Seb

  
_Enterprising - I approve. Get to it then. Allons-y! <3_   
_\- Jim♔_   


* * *

  
Good news - I sussed out which house has the best location for optimum damage.

Bad news - The resident's blind.  
I've got her wearing my old bluetooth- tell me what you want her to say, and I'll relay it over the line.  
\- Seb

  
_Or I'll just call your old line and talk to her directly._   
_\- Jim♔_

  
That works, too... And just because I love you, I'm going to sit here with my laser trained on a **blind** woman for the next **12 hours**.  
\- Seb

  
_You've always been the more demonstrative one in this relationship._   
_\- Jim♔_   


* * *

 

_Fancy a visitor? We're celebrating._   
_\- Jim♔_

  
  
C'mon up. What's the occasion?  
\- Seb

  
  
_Argued with the missus - told her I'm gay. I think she's going to dump me soon!  
_ (●ゝω)ノヽ(∀＜●)  
 _\- Jim♔_

  
  
You're a crazy little shit. You _do_ know that, don't you?  
\- Seb

  
_You wouldn't have me any other way._   
_\- Jim♔_

  
Yeah, tha- He's just made a new post; "Raoul de Santos, the house-boy, botox".  
\- Seb

  
_Took him long enough. Just come down, Seb, maybe you'll get to take the shot tomo- TAKE THE SHOT._   
_\- Jim♔_

  
  
Now THAT'S how you celebrate the end of a pseudo-relationship.  
\- Seb  


* * *

1 April, 2010

* * *

 

_DAMMIT MORAN THIS IS GOING TOO FAR. WHY IN FUCK'S NAME DID YOU THINK IT WAS ACCEPTABLE TO PUT DIRT IN MY TEA LEAVES?!_   
_\- Jim♔_

  
YOU SWITCHED OUT THE KETCHUP FOR BLOOD, JIM!  
\- Seb

  
_...Okay, you have a point. We'll call this holiday successfully celebrated in the Murder House and never speak of it again._   
_\- Jim♔_

  
Right, brilliant. So... Should we get started?  
\- Seb

  
_No... Let's let the Golem have his fun for a while. Meanwhile, why don't you come up here and we can have another go at breakfast?_   
_\- Jim♔_

  
Sounds like a plan.  
\- Seb  


* * *

 

_Oh, Hooper's all in a tizzy over our argument. Blah blah blah. Give it up, it's over, we're through. Damn, she's thick._   
_\- Jim♔_

  
He got the Golem.  
\- Seb

  
_Oh, did he? Hm. Wait until Holmes gets back to the gallery and then start the countdown._   
_\- Jim♔_

  
...Right.  
\- Seb

  
_What's wrong, Darling?_   
_\- Jim♔_

  
You know I don't like it when I have to shoot kids, Jim.  
\- Seb

  
_Oh, Tiger - I doubt you'll have to._   
_\- Jim♔_

  
...That really doesn't do much to reassure me.  
\- Seb  


* * *

  
_Oh, bless, he thought this was about the missile plans!  
_ (ᗒᗜᗕ)  
 _He wants to meet up at the pool tonight to exchange them._  
 _How appropriately dramatic._  
 _\- Jim♔_

  
Tonight... when?  
\- Seb

  
_Witching hour. :)_   
_\- Jim♔_

  
Oh, brilliant. Plenty of time for a wash and some Doctor Who. Unless you want me to do something else..?  
\- Seb

  
_Mmm... Nothing, right now. Mind if I join you?_   
_\- Jim♔_

  
Not in the least. ;)  
\- Seb  
  


* * *

 

_Drive carefully, won't you? Wouldn't want you or Doctor Watson to get hurt...  
\- Jim♔_

  
Right. You too.  
Be careful, I mean.  
\- Seb

  
_Don't worry, Darling, I'll have you watching my back, after all - there's no safer place on Earth for me to be._   
_I... Well, you know._   
_I'm turning the reins over to James, now, all right?_   
_\- Jim♔_

 

* * *

 

_Well? What did you think?_   
_\- Jim♔_

  
...Nice exit, Dear.  
\- Seb

  
_Thank you, Darling! I'm glad you enjoyed it. Now... Give them a moment or two to relax and then re-engage._   
_\- Jim♔_

  
Oh, it'll be my pleasure.  
\- Seb

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **"Oh, it'll be my pleasure."**


	9. ~♔~ Year Eight: Interrogations ~⊕~

* * *

Summer 2010

* * *

 

_Where are you?!_  
 _\- Jim♔_  


_Seb!_  
 _\- Jim♔_

  
  
Kinda busy  
\- Seb

  
  
 _Don't start making excuses, just get your arse over here!_  
 _\- Jim♔_

  
  
I'm currently being shot at. Can your problem wait until I've taken care of mine?  
\- Seb

  
  
 _Being chased by an angry Russian butcher. This is not a euphemism, he is a legitimate butcher. With a cleaver._  
 _\- Jim♔_

  
  
Oh, for fuck's sake! When we get out of here, I am torturing our Intel to death.  
\- Seb

  
  
 _I'd reply with an innuendo, but I'm a wee bit busy avoiding Barry the Chopper._  
 _\- Jim♔_

  
  
...You're too busy for a sex joke, but you've got time for an anime reference?  
\- Seb

  
  
 _There's always time for anime references!_  
 _\- Jim♔_

* * *

 

_Orange Juice_  
 _Cranberry Juice_  
 _Pineapple Juice_  
 _\- Jim♔_

  
  
...Why are you texting me a list of drinks?  
\- Seb

  
  
 _We've been invited to a picnic!  
_ (ﾉﾟ▽ﾟ)ﾉ  
 _\- Jim♔_

  
  
By who..?  
\- Seb

  
  
 _Your sister, of course. She said it's "potluck style" and told me we had to bring something._  
 _\- Jim♔_

  
  
So you're bringing... juice.  
\- Seb

  
  
 _And alcohol. Specifically vodka._  
 _\- Jim♔_

  
  
The vodka from the still in the Dungeon?  
\- Seb

  
  
 _Yes, the Dungeon Vodka. What other vodka would I bring to a party?_  
 _\- Jim♔_

  
  
...We're going to need peach schnapps, too - assuming you're planning on Sex on the Beach.  
\- Seb

  
  
 _There's a beach on the Ashford estate?!  
_ ԅ(≖‿≖ԅ)  
 _\- Jim♔_

  
  
DAMMIT JIM, YOU KNOW EXACTLY WHAT I MEANT.  
\- Seb  


* * *

 

How are you doing, Kitten?  
\- Seb

  
  
 _There is good pain, and there bad pain. This is BAD PAIN._  
 _\- Jim♔_

  
  
Oh, Jim... I warned you about this; maybe next time you'll listen to me, hmm?  
\- Seb

  
  
 _I AM DYING SEBASTIAN._  
 _\- Jim♔_

  
  
No you aren't.  
\- Seb

  
  
 _Yes I aaaaaaaaaam everything huuuuuuuurtssssss Seb whyyyyyyyyyy_  
 _\- Jim♔_

  
  
Because you've got ridiculously pale skin and you refused to put sunscreen on.  
\- Seb

  
  
 _Make it stoooooooop_  
 _\- Jim♔_

  
  
I'm working on it, Sweetie, but it's not like this cruise ship has a Tesco.  
\- Seb

  
  
 _This is the woooooorst vacation everrrrrrrrrr_  
 _\- Jim♔_

  
  
Why don't you draw a cold bath.  
\- Seb

  
  
 _IT FUCKING HURTS TO MOVE SEBASTIAN!_  
 _\- Jim♔_

  
  
Don't yell at me, Jim, I'm just trying to help you.  
\- Seb

  
  
 _I'm sorry it just really hurts_  
 _\- Jim♔_

  
  
Aloe lotion acquired. I'm headed back to the cabin now.  
\- Seb

 

* * *

SEPTEMBER 2010

* * *

  


_Dear Ms Adler-_

_I'm sending you a treat_

__

_\- JM_

* * *

 

_Moran, send Adler the shots you took of Sherlock in the cab so she knows he'll be on his way shortly._  
 _\- JM_

  
  
Yes Sir.  
\- Moran  


* * *

23 December 2010

* * *

 

_I'm running to Belgravia to deliver Adler's "Christmas Present" - is there anything you want from Tesco?_  
 _\- Jim♔_

  
  
Pudding or gelato maybe. Sorry I'm being useless...  
\- Seb

  
  
 _Shush, Darling. Just keep drinking your tea - maybe try to get some sleep?_  
 _\- Jim♔_

  
  
Okay.  
I really am sorry about being sick.  
\- Seb

  
  
 _It's fine, Seb. Don't worry about it._  
 _\- Jim♔_

  
  
Okay. I love you.  
\- Seb

  
  
 _Mmhmm. Get some rest, Tiger._  
 _\- Jim♔_

* * *

26 December, 2010

* * *

 

  
He's gotten the phone and has identified "my" body, Mr Moriarty. I must say - it was more than a little shocking. I didn't look too closely, of course, but... It was rather eerie, looking at a woman so very similar to myself in appearance.  
\- IA

  
_Oh, I can imagine._   
_Say what you will about your... client... in records, Ms Adler; this little ruse only worked out because my associate prepared your doppelgänger perfectly._   
_\- JM_   


Yes... D'you think he'd like to be... rewarded for his work?  
\- IA

  
 _Oh, believe me, Ms Adler - he's received ample compensation._  
 _\- JM_

* * *

15 January, 2011

* * *

  
747 TOMORROW 6:30PM HEATHROW

\- IA

* * *

  
_Jumbo Jet. Dear me Mr Holmes, dear me._

_\- JM_  


* * *

  
** [Compiler's Note: The following texts were sent from Sebastian Moran to James Moriarty during the latter's interrogation and subsequent imprisonment following the events of "A Scandal in Belgravia", leading up to his release at the end of "The Hounds of Baskerville".] **   


* * *

17 January 2011 - 12 March 2011 

* * *

  
Jim, what the HELL were you playing at, baiting Mycroft Holmes like that?!

Why didn't you tell me you were going to do it?

I suppose you want me to take over while you're away, huh?  
-Seb  


* * *

  
Suddenly all of those times where you forced me to watch footage of your negotiation meetings make sense.  
  
You're a rotten bastard.

I miss you.  
\- Seb  


* * *

  
Just letting you know that I still hate pretending to be you.  
  
...And that I can't sleep at night without you breathing in my ear and stabbing me in the groin with your bony knees while you cuddle me like you're a fucking python.  
  
I miss you.  
\- Seb

* * *

  
Neighbour asked me to water their plants while they're in Spain.

I used the petrol from their car.  
It wasn't the same without you there to light the match.  
  
I miss you.  
\- Seb

* * *

 

Got this off one of the bugs in Baker Street:  


Apparently he went on the Tube like that.  
  
If I close my eyes, I can almost hear you laughing about it.

I miss you.  
\- Seb

* * *

13 March 2011

* * *

 

_I've missed you too, Tiger._  
 _\- Jim♔_

  
  
Jim!  
Are you - have they finally let you out? Do you need me to come get you? Tell me what you need, Jim.  
\- Seb

  
  
 _You, Seb._  
 _For the moment, all I need is you._  
 _\- Jim♔_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **"I miss you."**


	10. ~♔~ Year Nine: Incongruous ~⊕~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, geez, guys... You're gonna break the fangirls with this one. And the fanboys, if you have any of those...
> 
> \- Hanna the Compiler 
> 
> **The _fans_?! It broke  me!**
> 
> _It's your own bloody fault, Darling._

* * *

16 March, 2011

* * *

  
Jim - what the hell is [this](http://www.johnwatsonblog.co.uk/blog/16amarch)?  
\- Seb

_Hmmm... I do believe that's Johnny Boy's little blog, Sebby Darling._  
 _\- Jim♔_

This is why you sent me to Cornwall - So you could play another round of "Bait the Holmes"?!  
Jim, please, for the love of God, stop this. You're the Shadow King, remember? "The Man Behind the Curtain" who pulls the strings, not the man in the front lines.  
Now tell me where you are so I can pick you up.  
\- Seb

  
  
_\- Jim♔_

  
Jim, no. Please, don't- you've only just got out of Holmes' custody, please don't do this to me. Not again. Please, Jim. Please just turn around and come home. Please.  
\- Seb

  
_It needs to happen, Darling._  
 _\- Jim♔_

NO IT BLOODY DOESN'T, JIM!  
Please, can't we just go back to the way it was before Sherlock Bloody Holmes showed up on our radar? Back to when it was just you and me against the world? Please, Jim. Please, just... Please. Don't do this.  
\- Seb

  
_Sebastian, this is what we've been heading towards for so long. This is the culmination of all of our work._  
 _You know me, Darling, just as I know you._  
We'd never be able to stay content with simply running London's Underground - we're meant for so much more.  
 _But we're trapped by the constant opposition of the Holmes brothers - despite everything we've tried, they still manage to come out on top._  
 _So now it looks as though the only way we can rise is if we fall, Tiger._  
 _Or rather... If he falls._  
 _\- Jim♔_

  
Jim... If you do this, I...  
I can't- I can't stand there and watch you destroy yourself, Jim, I CAN'T.  
Please don't do this.  
Don't make me do this.  
\- Seb

  
_I'm sorry, Sebastian._  
 _\- Jim♔_

* * *

Come and play.  
Tower Hill.  
Jim Moriarty x.

* * *

* * *

**[COMPILER'S NOTE:  
The following sections are transcripts of voice mails Jim Moriarty to Sebastian Moran while the former was incarcerated, where he was allowed a single supervised phone call a week. Moran never responded.]**

 

-13 April 2011-

I'd forgotten how loud it is in my head without you there to keep it quiet.  
There's a therapist on staff here that's helping me stay in control.  
She has me picture myself in a calm place; I imagine I'm sitting by a _Brook_ in your arms.  
I miss you.  
Please call me?

* * *

   
-20 April 2011-

[I miss the sound of your voice](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L2vxZVz6jpQ)  
And I miss the rush of your skin  
And I miss the still of the silence  
As you breathe out and I breathe in  
  
If I could walk on water  
If I could tell you what's next  
I'd make you believe  
I'd make you forget...

 

* * *

   
-27 April 2011-

Some of the guards were talking about last Saturday's new episode of Doctor Who.  
One of the other inmates was put in Solitary because he threatened to kill them if they spoiled it for him.

I wouldn't mind it if you spoiled the entire season, if it meant you'd respond.

* * *

  
 -11 May 2011-

(2 DAYS AFTER MORIARTY'S PRIMARY HEARING)

Even though you've refused to respond to a single one of my messages, I had still hoped you'd show up for the primary hearing today.  
Tell me; have I truly succeeded in alienating you, after all this time?

 

* * *

  
-18 May 2011-

I hope you're sleeping well, where ever you are. Every night I look out my cell window and wonder what your stars look like.  
I hope I'll be out of here by the 20th of September.  
Will you be there?

* * *

  
-25 May 2011-

A woman came to visit me the other day.  
She wanted to know about Sherlock Holmes.  
I told her I didn't feel comfortable talking to her without my lawyer present.  
She said she understood and then gave me her card.  
She works for the Sun - the same newspaper you worked at for a while.

I wish you would come visit, or call, or SOMETHING. Anything to let me know you're okay.

* * *

  
-29 June 2011-

[After all that we've been through](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UKDVUUfGXzU)  
I will make it up to you  
I promise to  
And after all that's been said and done  
You're just the part of me I can't let go...

* * *

  
-20 July 2011-

Do you remember that story you told me once about the master and his dog?  
You never did tell me how it ended.

* * *

  
-10 August 2011-

[Our friend](http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lkqsjgXHQF1qiuw6w.png) from New Mexico called last week.  
I asked how he found out about all of this - I wanted to hear him say that _that's_ why you haven't responded to me - that you'd been looking for him.

But we both know that's not true, don't we.

* * *

  
-14 September 2011-

I figured out how that stupid story of yours ends.

The dog runs away.

* * *

* * *

20 September, 2011 (VERDICT: NOT GUILTY)

* * *

* * *

 

_I don't need you any more, Moran._  
 _Do you understand me?_  
 _I DON'T NEED YOU!_  
 _Don't you DARE come crawling back to me when I've made my move and the world is laid bare at my feet._  
 _I hope you realise what you've done, you disgusting little bitch._  
 _You've betrayed me - NO ONE BETRAYS ME, MORAN._  
 _NO ONE!_  
 _Start digging, Moran, because when I'm through with the Holmes brothers, I'm coming for you._  
 _\- James Moriarty  
_

* * *

 

* * *

20 November 2011

* * *

* * *

 

**Come and Play.**  
 **Bart's Hospital Rooftop.**  
 **SH**

**P.S. Got something**  
 **of yours you might**  
 **want back.**

* * *

_I’m waiting..._

_JM_

* * *

  
**[COMPILER'S NOTE: The following is a transcript of a voicemail delivered to Sebastian Moran's mobile from Jim Moriarty]**

-20th November 2011-

Sebastian.  
  
  
My Darling, my Tiger. My roller-coaster ride, my Sweeney Todd, my Companion and partner in crime, for ever and always...  
  
  
I said some rather terrible things that I very much regret.  
  
  
I know that there isn't anything I could say to get you back, and I know it's too late for me to try.  
  
  
But...If something goes wrong today - if my plan fails - I don't want the last thing I said to you to be anything but this:  
  
  
I love you.

I love you, Sebastian Moran.  
  
  
Goodbye, Tiger.  
  
  
 **[END OF CALL]  
**

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **"Goodbye, Tiger."**
> 
> _...pleasedon'tkillmeIonlyworkforthem..._
> 
> \- Hanna the Compiler

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Crowns and Crosshairs: A Day at the Dungeons](https://archiveofourown.org/works/2290121) by [Hannatude](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hannatude/pseuds/Hannatude)
  * [Crowns and Crosshairs: Sickbed Snuggles](https://archiveofourown.org/works/2340701) by [Hannatude](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hannatude/pseuds/Hannatude)




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